Submissive Men: Sometimes We All Want Someone Else to Take Charge

Sometimes, you just want your partner to take the lead. Let them choose the pace and tell you what to do while you enjoy their attention.

I don’t see that as weakness. A man can run his life and still enjoy handing over control in bed.

What Does It Mean to Be a Submissive Man?

A submissive man chooses to give a partner agreed authority during sex or within a relationship.

Male submission can be a simple “you’re in charge tonight” or something kinkier: restraints, pegging, humiliation.

What I like is the variety. There’s room to find what excites you both. You might already enjoy a little submission without calling it that.

I bet you’ll find something here you’d both love to try.

You might recognize a few favorites on that map and spot something you’ve been quietly curious about. Saying it out loud can be the awkward part.

That’s why I created the printable Yes/No/Maybe List. You each mark what appeals, what doesn’t, and what you’re curious about, then compare. Sometimes, a little “maybe” on paper is easier than saying it out loud.

Find Your Shared Yeses →

3 of My Favorite Positions for Male Submission

Facesitting

Receiving oral sex is already a pleasure. Facesitting adds a different angle and gives him a new perspective while I take the lead.

Believe me, that change of view can be very enjoyable for him too. You might find he’s rock hard when you move on to sitting on him afterward.

Sometimes, you want to take charge but draw a blank about what to ask him to do. That’s why I put together my femdom task list, with ideas you can browse and choose from whenever you need a little inspiration.

Choose His Next Task →

On His Back for Breast Worship

Before facesitting, try this: with him lying on his back, lean over and bring your breast to his mouth.

It seems so simple, but it can give both of you more pleasure than you might imagine. And yes, I’m speaking from personal experience.

Missionary Pegging

An open mind, plenty of lube, and something different from everyday sex.

A man can be very masculine and still enjoy that switch. After a week of making decisions, giving instructions, and solving problems, letting someone else lead can sound pretty good.

Missionary pegging keeps us face-to-face, so we can see each other’s reactions and talk as we go.

I’ve written more about how to be a femdom if you’d like a little guidance taking the lead. And if you want to ease into it, my gentle femdom ideas are a good place to start.

How Common Is Male Submission?

More common than you might think. For example, in a Canadian university study, 72% of the men had fantasized about being tied up. That doesn’t mean they’d all call themselves submissive.

I see that curiosity in my customer messages, too. I’m often asked about pegging, femdom, and other ways to explore submission.

Why Do Men Enjoy Submission?

Being told what to do can be part of the turn-on. A man might enjoy a break from making decisions, the satisfaction of pleasing his partner, the sensations of restraint, or playing a different role from his everyday one. Research into sexual submission and interviews with BDSM practitioners describe these different attractions.

Enjoying these things doesn’t mean there must be trauma behind them. Moyano and Sierra (2015) found more frequent submissive sexual thoughts among men with abuse histories, but that doesn’t show that abuse created those desires. A 2025 study also found associations while cautioning against causal conclusions. The claim that male submission must come from trauma goes beyond what these studies can tell us.

How to Tell Your Partner You Want to Be Submissive

“I want you to dominate me” can sound like a much bigger request than you intend. Your partner might be imagining whips and humiliation while you’re thinking about a few instructions in bed.

I’d start with one thing you actually want:

“I’d love you to take charge while I go down on you. Tell me what you want me to do. Would that appeal to you?”

Then give your partner room to describe their version. “I’d enjoy giving you instructions, but I don’t want to humiliate you” gives you something specific to work with.

If they’re curious but unsure how to lead, suggest a few directions you’d enjoy hearing. If they only like part of the idea, explore that shared interest. If they don’t want the role, accept that answer.

Let Your Partner Choose Your Next Move

“I’d like to take charge. I just don’t know what to do.”

If you’re both interested in female-led play, a few ideas can help turn that curiosity into something specific. Our Mistress Challenge Cards offer printable prompts covering service, positions, roleplay, and more.

I’d let her pick an idea she’d genuinely enjoy leading. Then talk about what appeals to you both and make it your own.